


Blackwatch: Psychic Detective Agency

by Thotzo



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Fake Psychic Detectives, Hanzo Is So Done, M/M, tags will be updated when more is posted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 04:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15834219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thotzo/pseuds/Thotzo
Summary: In his defense, Jesse didn't mean to con the police into thinking he's psychic.  Nor did he mean to start a detective agency based on said lie. The good looking head detective?  Also not really in his plans, but hey, he could pretend to be psychic and flirt.Plus, who else in the world could claim they were a psychic cowboy that worked with the police?





	Blackwatch: Psychic Detective Agency

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the McHanzo reverse bang. The rest will be up asap. 
> 
> I was working with the amazing doriftokingu on this project, and their art is amazing and you should go check it out on Tumblr!

\--The past-

 

“Hey dad, can I have some cake?”  Jesse asked looking at his dad with big eyes across the table at the diner.  If he looked cute enough, maybe his dad would just let him have the cake instead of-

 

“Well Jess, why don’t you close your eyes and tell me how many hats in the room?” That.  This stupid game again.  If felt like any time Jesse wanted something it was “how many hats in the room” or “now how do you get out of the trunk of a locked car” or even “ Jesse you have to do your homework not start a third grade homework based economy and trade your shoes for a report”.  He didn’t see why his dad had to do this every time. All he wanted was a piece of cake.

 

“Daaaaaaad, can’t I just have the cake?” Jesse made his eyes bigger, okay, maybe he needed to look extra cute and he could have cake.

 

“Better hurry Jess, the waitress is almost here.”  His dad smirked at him, waiting for him to close his eyes. “If you don’t I’m gonna think you’re cheating.”

 

Jesse sighed and shut his eyes.  He really did want that cake. He pictured the diner in his mind. He could see himself walking though, greeting the hostess with her hat, sitting down, the waitress had a bow, but that wasn’t a hat, the man at the table next to him had on a furry hat that looked like it belonged on someone from an old hunting novel, the woman that went to the bathroom had red pointy shoes and baseball hat (was that still in the room?), the kid at the next table had chocolate cake and some kind of old hat on, and he saw the guy with the cool cowboy hat.  He could picture everything perfectly.  Just one problem…

 

“Is a beanie a hat?”

 

“What do you think?”

 

Ugg, of course his dad would do this.  Well, without his dad’s beanie….

 

“The hostess has a hat with the diner’s name on it, the guy sitting next to us has a hat that looks like a raccoon, a woman….just came out of the bathroom and she has a baseball hat, there’s a kid with an old hat, and a guy over there has a really cool cowboy hat.” He summarized for his dad, making sure to keep his eyes closed until he was told he could open them.  He really wanted that cake.

 

“You missed one.” His dad told him, Jesse could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“No.  Your beanie is a cap, not a hat.”  Jesse argued.  His dad always said it wasn’t a hat, which is why he could wear it all the time.  Jesse thought it was stupid, but whatever.  It’d get him cake.

 

“Good job.  Open your eyes.  You can have your cake.”  Jesse opened his eyes to see his dad’s scared face.  He saw the waitress looking impressed

“Wow kiddo, that’s some gift.  You want to be a cop when you grow up?”

 

“No…I think I wanna be a cowboy.”  He said, grinning at the cowboy hat man in the corner.

 

\--------------

- _The Present-_

Jesse threw the ball up in the air.  He let it fall into his hands.  He threw the ball in the air again, letting it fall again.  He was so bored.  Pretending to be psychic and having a detective agency was supposed to be fun.  This was boring.  It felt like he hadn’t had a case in weeks.  He propped his feet up on the desk, leaning back in his chair.

It didn’t help that Genji was on his way to an anime convention.  His best friend had abounded him for anime titties and being a complete nerd.  He sighed again.  Maybe if he swung by the police station they’d have something for him to do.  Or he could go bother Genji’s brother.  It had been a long time sense he’d bothered Hanzo.  It’s not like he had anything better to do anyway. 

He threw the ball in the air again.  Maybe he’d get something to eat first.  He could stop and grab food, then go bug Hanzo and see if he could get on a case.  He’d been running this agency for almost a year now, and he still only got calls sometimes.  He kept tossing the ball up and catching it.  He was beyond bored. 

Suddenly the phone rang, the ball fell onto Jesse’s head when he dove to pick up the phone. 

“Blackwatch, Psychic detective agency,” he answered.  He hoped this was a case.  He should be fine without Genji to help him this time around.  He’d be fine.  He just needed something to do. 

“Hello Mr. McCree.”  It was the chief of police.  Yes!  That meant a case.  Finally something to do. 

“Chief Morrison!”  He greeted.  “How can I help ya?”  Police case meant great pay.  It also meant messing with Hanzo, which was one of his favorite things to do. 

“I have a case for you guys,” he said.  “Get down here as soon as you can.” 

“Right.  Just me today, Genji’s off on…a business trip.” That sounded much better than ‘anime convention’. 

“That’s fine.  Just get here.”  The chief said before hanging up.  Awesome!  Jesse finally had something to do while Genji was out of the city.  He grabbed his hat and headed out the door.  He looked in the parking lot for the bright green car, known as The Lime.  It took him a few moments to remember that Genji took the car to his convention.  Right.  Well, he’d just have to take his bike.  Hopefully he wasn’t going to actually need a car today. 

He sighed when he realized he’d need his helmet.  He took off his hat, switching it out for his cycle’s helmet.   He’d be fine without the hat.   He hopped on his bike and headed towards the police station.  He hoped this was a good case.  He could both use the money and use something to do. 

It was a short drive to the station, thankfully.  He parked his bike and headed into the station.  He hoped they wouldn’t make him get a visitor’s pass.  He glanced at the desk clerk, oh good.  It was the nice one.  He waved at her and walked to the chief’s office.  He could hear someone else in the office with the chief.  By the way they were pacing, it was most likely Hanzo.  Oh good.  He should knock on the door and wait to be told to come in.

Jesse didn’t like to do what he was told.  He threw open the door, letting himself into the office.

“The spirits have called me here on this day!”  He said, loud as he could without screaming.  He had to make an entrance, after all.

“Chief Morrison called you," Hanzo said.  He was so clearly annoyed. Jesse grinned.

“Well now, who do you think had him call me?” He glanced around the office; It was only Morrison and Hanzo in the office.  That was odd.  Detective Song should have been there as well.  He didn’t think that Hanzo worked alone ever. 

“Chief, I must protest—again.”  Hanzo said.  He was gritting his teeth and his fist was clenched at his side.

The chief sighed.  “This case is extremely important.  We need to use every asset we have.”  He sat on his desk, he looked tired.  Jesse guessed that the chief had said this several times already.

“I understand Chief Morrison,” Hanzo started.  He turned, a finger pointed in Jesse’s face.  “But he is not an asset, he is a nuisance!” 

“Well shoot Sugarplum I missed you too,” Jesse laughed.  It was always fun to rile up Hanzo. He actually did miss Hanzo while he’d been away from the police station.  There was always something about the detective that made Jesse want to tug on that silly scarf in his hair. 

“Boys,” the chief started.  “This is vitally important.  I’m going to need you to work together on this case.” 

“Me and Detective Shimada?”  Jesse asked, he brought one hand up to clutch at his heart, the other to fan his face.  “Oh my stars and marbles, I might just faint.”  He could see Hanzo twitch in annoyance.  Oh this was gonna be fun.

“Chief.  Please,” Hanzo pleaded.

The chief sighed and picked up the framed picture on his desk.  Huh, Jesse hadn’t ever actually seen what the picture was.  “Detective Shimada, have I ever told you the story of this picture?” 

“Yes Chief,” Hanzo answered with a groan. 

“This is the only one that has never turned on me.  The only one that doesn’t question me,” The chief said, looking at the picture.  He flipped the picture.  Uh.  It was a picture of a grill.  That was really weird.  “Notice how it’s not a person?  That’s because people disappoint me when they question their orders eight times in thirty minutes.”   

Hanzo sighed, “Yes chief.”  Jesse wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry.  This was possibly the weirdest most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.  And Genji was missing it.  He’d have to tell his partner all about this when he was back from his convention.  

“So, Chief, what’s the case?”  Jesse asked with a grin.  Oh, this was gonna be fun.  


End file.
